next time you argue

More than likely you will have arguments and disagreements throughout your life. Something that I have learned recently is a way to objectively look at arguments. I noticed that when my wife and I and I argue it can be looked at simply like this...

2 different people with 2 different goals.

This can look more like a competition than a collaboration very quickly.

If you both try to get your goal there is a good chance that your personalities will collide. Your differences are easily seen, but if you are going opposite directions even the things that you have in common will be conflicting.

This is where the art of living and negotiating comes in. If you and the other party/parties can agree upon a common goal then all of your differences and similarites are going in the same direction. Doesn't mean you won't have opportunity to cut eachother off and ding some fenders, but you can avoid a head on collision. Hopefully your differences will help to build eachother up in weaker areas.

I see this in business too. Two people with conflicting ideas of what a business is for. An overarching purpose, idea, story, is necessary. It seems that people with often argue right and wrong when the problem is clearly not a moral problem. The problem is the same as the one above...different people with different goals...in this situation I think it is best to clarify your ideas of the purpose of the business. Then combine your efforts to find an over-arching goal that you can both agree on. Then, when you have future disagreements, you can all look at your mutual goal and discuss how your "opinions" help or hinder the common goal without it becoming a matter of right or wrong.


I am a person who DOES NOT LIKE CONFLICT! And I have found this model to be helpfull for me. It allows me to remain calm, for the most part, and see complex problems in a simple way that can be talked about without the often emotionally charged RIGHT and WRONG coming into play.

Thank God for answers to bath tub prayers! because I have found this to be very helpful.

love, matt.